Ramblings Of A Rambler

Theme: Idiot I know why I was having such a down day the other day and why I ended up self harming. I didn't take my anti-depressant. I mistaken it for the antihistamine Cetirizine. When I was meant to take Citalopram. I only found out today when I found my Citazlopram box on my medication box that wasn't there yesterday. Idiot.

Theme: Wank Due to my anti-depressants my sex drive is intensely low. Well last night, to put it simply. It wasn't. I pretty much made up for all the nights that I go to bed without doing anything. So, I reached the big 'o' and lay in my bed naked, all comfy. Back on my pillow and my bedding was cooling me off. I could have easily fell asleep. But no, two seconds later my mum came in from her room and made me go downstairs to make her a hot chocolate and find her some snacks. She sat on my bed expectedly almost as if I was going to get up straight away. Unfortunately I was still naked, so I had to banish her back to her room, get changed, go downstairs and do all that! Then when I came back bed I couldn't bloody sleep.

Theme: Hunger Games! OhMyGod. I went to see the hunger games in cinema today. It was beyond amazing. Yeah, I cried? So what? Sue me. It did more than pull on my heart strings, it pulled on them and swung on them like Tarzan. I can't wait for next year to see the final. I just know it will cut me up though. I also paid of the rest of my Amsterdam trip today. I'm so excited.

Theme: Sarah I went up town to see Sarah today. She didn't seem herself. She seem painfully stressed and distant (not in a funny way, but in a personal lost kind of way). I wish things would pick up for her. She has a job now. She just feels unsure about it. I can understand why, a lot of her confidence is lost. I just wish she could be happy. She deserves that at least.

Theme: Woo Last day of training. Thank god. These early mornings have been murderous. Thank god I do nights. I feel fairly relaxed about going in for training today. No anxiety medication needed. Go in, keep my head down and get out. We're finishing earlier today as well so what's the worse that can happen? 

Theme: Death warmed up I feel like death warmed up. This is not cool. I'm so tired. Getting up early and going to training is a killer. Training was okay, not as fun as yesterday. It was just life support and fire safety. The boring bit of training. Bitches didn't turn up. So it was all good.

Theme: Training This feel's so wrong. Why would anyone get up at stupid o'clock? I had to wake up at 7:00am today. No. I don't do mornings. I especially don't do people in the mornings. I had to go to training today. Luckily enough the people that I really didn't want to see didn't bother showing up. I took my anxiety medication just in case, because if they where there I knew I would have been on edge. I had fairly good time actually, if it wasn't for the stupid O'clock start. I have training for the next two days as well. After training my mum picked me up and I met my uncle Martin for the first time in like six years. He's a lovely bloke and I've always remembered him.

Theme: Dreading it. I have training tomorrow. I'm actually really anxious about it and generally dreading it. I'm going to be in a room for multiple hours with people that I can't stand and feel intimidated by. Anxiety medication for the win.

Theme: Backdating (again) Backdating again, however, I am doing minor works on my blog. So, forgive me?

Theme: Backdating Backdating unfortunately. However, I have been gif hunting, and new gifs and images usually makes me feel inspired to blog. So let's wait and see.

Theme: Mistakes I plan to go through my blog this week, as painful as it may be. But it needs cleaning. Nothing is going to be deleted. I'm just going to tidy it. For example, pictures that have lost their link, I'm going to re-link them up so you've not got the hideous website host logo there. Just make sure all the right thing's are bolded and there's not really long spaces. I know no one goes back, but I sometimes do and every time I see these hideous thing's I hate it. So there's no better time then now. Should I change my layout?

Theme: Wish List. I am completely and utterly in love with the soap and glory products. There's just so many of them! I want to start of a little collection. It just smells so beautiful and I love coming out of the shower all relaxed. It's bloody expensive stuff though. I've sent my mum down Fosse Park to get me a boots loyalty card, as I think I'm going to need it. Just a quick note for what I want: The Righteous Butter, Butter Yourself, Hand Food, Clean On Me, Glad Hair Day (Shampoo & Conditioner), Scrub 'Em and Leave ‘Em and Mighty Mouth lip gloss. Also, if they have any perfume, smoother me in that whilst your at it.

Theme: Blog love Looking through my blog today, I told my mum how long I've been using this blog for. I can't believe I've managed to keep it up this long. I'm so happy myself, although more recently I have been slipping and have had to do a lot of backdating. I was lying in bed this morning and I came across a lot of gifs which has sort of inspired me to get back into it. Lord knows I love my gifs. My mum just said that some of the things in my blog must be quiet sad. I felt guilty. Am I a let down of a daughter?

Theme: Lost I feel a bit alone today. I have no one to talk to. Even if it's just talking shit. I always feel like my thoughts and feelings are insignificant, small and just generally unimportant. I'm tired of feeling lost and coming back to the same square each time.

Theme: Haha. Already wishing my parents would bugger off back on holiday. Didn't take long. I miss having the control of the remote, and choosing what and when I eat and what I get up too.

Theme: Parents are back Parents are back from their holiday. I'm glad to see them. It's nice to have the house full of more life again. I hated going bed at night and locking up and just going upstairs on my own. Felt weird and lonely.

Theme: Parents! Parents are home tomorrow. Everything's done and clean. I'll miss having the house to myself and doing what I want but there you go. It will be nice to have them back. I really notice how alone I am when I go bed. It's weird. Anyway, I've just finished off my knitting. I was going to do a scarf but decided on a blanket. It's to comfy to just be a scarf.

Theme: Busy busy busy! Went all round town with Sarah today. It was lovely. I brought her a dory teddy (finding Nemo) from the disney store and she brought me a gorgeous stitch bear from Lilo and stitch. I helped her out with her christmas shopping and as she taught me how to knit yesterday I decided to buy my own wool and knitting needles. She's going to link me on and then it's up to me! It's been lovely having her over. Time has literally flown by!

Theme: Spirits - MIA I did an ouija board with Sarah tonight. Nothing came through. It moved to "4" and to "j" but that's about it. I was disappointed for my first time but the planchette was also crap. We had to line up the ends to make it cross the board more smoothly?!?! Haha!

Theme: Sarah's Going round Sarah's tonight as she's been round my most of last week. Looking forward to it. It's been lovely spending time with her. It's nice just to talk and mong out. Don't matter how shit I look I felt comfortable. Although to be fair, given the opportunity I'll always be in my comfys!

Theme: Films & Relaxing Just relaxing today and watching some horror films. I'm watching some of my new films. I've ordered some bloody weird and extremely shit movies. Reviews on amazon mean nothing.

Theme: Flats I had some spare time today so I thought I'd look at how much flats are. I found a lovely one for £500pcm, but I'm not ready to move out. I love my parents, home and my bedroom to much! I was just curious that was all. I had no real intention behind it.

Theme: Lovin' it! I'm loving not having family here and being able to mill about doing my own thing. I could do this, y'know if I got my own place. I'd feel confident for this. I just wouldn't feel so confident as far as loneliness and depression sets in. I could imagine it would hit me fairly quickly. But right now, I feel strong enough to do this.

Theme: Relaxing Just having a relaxing day with Sarah. It's nice having her round to just sit and have a chinwag. I think I'd actually be really low if I was on my own for a long period of time. It's just nice to spend time with my best friend and to have her to stay over at mine for once.

Theme: Town Been up town with Sarah today. Not really done a lot just treated her. Got my nails done and she got her eyelashes done. We even got new piercings! I got two more done on my navel and she got a dermal done at the size of her face more near her ear.

Theme: Quiet House is all quiet. Sarah's gone home so I have the house to myself. It's nice actually. I'm just milling about doing my own thing not really giving a shit about anything. I'm still keeping the house dead tidy though, but that's just what I'm like.

Theme: Hunger games Started the second hunger games book already. Couldn't help myself. Already cried. God help me. So many feels.

Theme: Finished! Finished my first hunger games book. Oh my god oh my god. It was amazing. Why did I not read this sooner? I think next time I should keep up with popular things because they are popular for a reason. I can't wait to start the second. It's really passed time and it's just got me into reading again. I love it.

Theme: E-lite I've started using an e-lite. I don't want a cigarette at all. It's not to just be sitting around home and smoking without having to actually go outside. Also, the flavours are lovely and it doesn't smell or make me wake up with that horrid sore throat from over smoking. I got myself a cute little pink one that fits in my purse. I think I'm over using it but it's healthier for me to have that then a cigarette as I've also got myself fairly low nicotine levels.

Theme: Coming back Coming back to Leicester after a lovely night in Birmingham. The costumes were bloody amazing! Birmingham completely pisses over Leicester. Didn't get as drunk and maybe it wasn't as good as last time but I still enjoyed it. I've come back with a new teddy bear. The gruffalo's child. It's the big one. I'm so excited. I'm such a big kid. But I'd love to go to Birmingham again and give it another shot.