Ramblings Of A Rambler

Theme: Fault in our stars I finally got to see the movie I have been waiting to see for about a year and a half. It lived up to it's book because I cried. Along with many people in the cinema. It yanked on the heart strings. Worth a watch. Well done John Green you sexy beast. Of course it wasn't as good as the book. But a book can just offer so much more detail then a movie anyway. So the book nearly finished me off. I remember it making such an impact on me I never forgot reading it. It's like perks of being a wallflower. That book made a huge impact. Film wasn't so great though.

“ Just 'cause you're breathing                                 doesn't mean you're alive."

Theme: Not Hungover I'm not hungover. I think maybe because I purged it all out and I didn't drink too much anyway. I was pretty sober all night. My thoughts carried me away. I was screaming inside whilst pretending I was drunk with my friends. My thoughts are still loud. At least I'm not surrounded by anyone today. I'm not good enough to be around people.

Theme: Being allowed out in society I went out into society today. My god was my thoughts loud and racey. I went out with Kaylee and the usual crowd clubbing. I felt so fat and ugly. Everyone was trying to dance with my friends. No one bothered approaching me. It made me feel unwanted and worthless. I ended up purging. The thought of the calories of the alcohol being in my body and making me fatter made me think my chance was slimming on finding someone who loved me. Or even liked me. I'm such an unlikeable person. I feel like I deserve to be all alone.

Theme: Meh I feel worthless. I'm no good at anything. Especially my job.

Theme: She won! Sarah got the verdict of the NMC thing where she was going to have her pin taken off her but she won! She gets to continue being a nurse. I'm so happy for her. She's such a lovely person and I only wish the best for her. I hope she gets compensation for it or something as she's done a lot of fighting but it's all paid off. Bless her.

Theme: You just don't get it. My mum had an argument with me about my mood today. Saying she was going to come into work and give them what for. She kept asking me who has been texting me nasty messages and that I have to get off my anti-depressant. For a start no one sends me nasty messages. I'm not in school. I'm twenty one. I've been on tumblr long enough not to give a fuck and send back awesome responses. It wasn't even work. She just jumps to these conclusions and goes on about how crap I make her feel. Turning it round on her. It doesn't help. It makes me feel worse. That's NOT how you help depression. You don't guilt trip someone with a mental illness. It just gives them more of a reason. Just leave me in bed to sleep please.