Four Hundred & Twenty Five

Theme: What the hell?

What the hell is with people? When I don't want to talk about something, all they want to to do is discuss it more, and in depth. The conversation topic is then everywhere. On the news, the radio, magazines. I just don't want to hear about it anymore. My mum's getting a gastric band fitted soon. (no one's meant to know like) and to be honest, I just don't want to know. It's such a huge reminder that I'm a fattie. An ugly, worthless fattie that doesn't deserve to be here. I just don't want it. I don't want to hear my family discussing it. I'm so depressed. As usual. I started suffering with depression with I was twelve years old, so that's nine years running now. I can honestly say it's only got worse over time and I'm a lot more socially withdrawn because of it. Every little thing I do is like climbing a mountain. I'm exhausted all the time. I'd so love to go on antidepressants  I know that they don't take away the problems itself, however, they can take away the effects, and I'm down with that. I just can't get a hold of any antidepressants without the family knowing, which will just make me even more of a failure. I'm the worthless cunt of the family, I can't even get a cleaning job. Everything I've ever done has been one big waste. I had such plans for myself and it's scary how fast they all turned to shit and went into the bin. I've decided to find some cheap ass diet pills. The good thing about them is that I don't need prescription, so therefore I can hide them.

"The bravest thing I ever did was continuing my life when I wanted to die"
.- Juliette Lewis

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