Seven Hundred & Twenty Four

Theme: Feels

I'm feeling it again tonight. I woke up crying, well I didn't really wake up because I spent the day/night tossing and turning about the events that happened yesterday. I can't escape the feelings of pure guilt. I've been so quiet today. The staff have noticed, my parents have noticed and even my patients have noticed. I don't want to talk to anyone about it. I just want to forget it. However, because its a suicide attempt I won't forget it, especially because that suicide attempt wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for me. I can't forgive myself. It's my fault. I just feel so fat, ugly and worthless. I could do with a patient bed for me tonight! If I wasn't so fat I wouldn't be so disgusted with myself. I love the nurse for helping me last night but in all honesty, id rather not work with her. She has so many opinions it puts me in edge. I feel like I need some pills myself to help get rid of the anxiety of working around her. There's a lot of people on stress leave. When I'm not working with her I'm like "why are they on stress leave, it's not that hard?" and when I am working with her I can't help but think "how do I get stress leave?!" She just makes me feel so disgusting about myself.

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