One Thousand Three Hundred & Ninety Three

Theme: Friendless

I feel like shit. I am shit. I ruin everything. Sarah's mad with me. She hates me, I can feel it. She doesn't even want to be in the same room with me and she's just making me feel more and more guilty. I have been coming down with another cold lately. Due to my low mood, my immune system is also affected. Anyway, today me and Sarah were going out to see the king Richard casket thing being brought through to Leicester. Whilst we were walking down to it I became so intensely short of breathe that I actually just couldn't breathe. I wasn't breathing. My chest felt so intensely tight and I became dizzy. I fell to the floor and just sat for a bit. So Sarah took me back to her house. However, I said to her go ahead, you watch it and I'll meet her back at hers. Although she came back with me, we walked back in silence. I had to keep stopping and ended up stripping because I was sweating so much. I apologised massively that she has missed it and that she shouldn't have come back with me, I would have been fine. However the rest of the day I was there was just horrendous. I spent a majority of the time on my own. Whilst she was everywhere else but with me. I felt alone. Even when she was with me I tried to make conversation but wasn't really getting anything back. Just short one worded sort of answers. When she was dropping me off at my house we were talking about the king Richard thing and which way he would have came down. She then moved on to saying "a great thing happened today" as if to guilt trip me. I was guilt tripped. I've also been triggered. I'm not safe in my room. I want to ligature, cut, overdose. My head is so loud ive got so many voices shouting at me all at once. It's my fault. I'm too blame. Always am.