Ramblings Of A Rambler

Theme: Cleaning I can't sleep. I've not been able to sleep properly for a long time now. So to my parent's dismay I have been cleaning my room. Dusting, hoovering, sorting out thing's. It's five in the morning. That's why my parent's aren't too chuffed. Whoops.

Theme: Cut I've cut again. I've not been feeling too good and I felt like I was about to explode. I needed some sort of release. I feel better after doing it. Like I'm able to breathe again. I suck.

Theme: Treat!  I'm obsessed with 'Son's of Anarchy'. I've decided to buy myself a £30 lighter. Mainly for work use as I'm tired of my lighter's going missing as I keep lending them all too staff so if I brought a special lighter I know I'd make sure no one ever get's to touch it. Ever. I've also brought all the SOA dvds so I've spent all my time either trying to sleep or watching that. I made a massive mistake though by googling a really hot character and a massive spoiler came up saying that they die in the last season. Fuck. All my favourite's die in the end. I swear they do it on purpose.

Theme: Jamie Bulger I'm currently reading the Jamie Bulger book by Jame's dad. It's such a sad book. I don't think I've felt so many emotions before. It really does tug on your heart. I've had the book for ages so I'm surprised it's took me this long to pick it up and read it. I don't regret spending the time to read it. I heard his mum has done a book as well which I will hunt down.

Theme: Wish List I have to much of a big wish list, I think I'm going to have to create a massive wish list on my profile for now just so like I don't know, I can keep track of everything? Gah. You can tell I'm running out of space for thing's when I have to put thing's all over my blog. Boo.

Theme: Sex Toys I have so many sex toys that are old now. I need everything updating. I'm going to buy a big box to put everything all in as my safe is now becoming very full and hide the box in my wardrobe instead of in my safe. Here's my sex toy wish list! Spanking Cream Paddle Handcuffs Double Sided Finger Stimulators Vibrating Tongue Sex Dice Another Vibrating Tongue Nipple Suckers Ankle Cuffs Eyemask Finger Vibrator Glass Dildo Rub Tub Set

Theme: Memories I've been keeping this blog up for years now. I really enjoy doing it and it's nice to see how much I've grown. At the same time I've seen myself relapse, I've seen myself be in some horrible unwell time's. But I've also seen myself come out of them. It's just nice to have it all recorded. This blog has only ever been for me and that's all it will ever will be for. I have no interest in having followers, comments or even readers. I hope to carry on this blog for many more years to come.

Theme: Big Brother Yay, big brother is coming back on soon. It's celebrity. I'm never that keen on the celebrity one has it's always has been's but the last big brother was awesome with Katie Hopkins. Regardless of how crap it is, I will forever waste my life on watching others live. Sad sod.

Theme: Backdate I have no idea what I did today. If it wasn't dossing at home it was working. Everything is so boring at the moment in time.

Theme: Bites. I'm so damn itchy. I've got so many bite's everywhere. It's a right pain in the arse. Especially because I've ripped of my nails again so I actually have nothing but stubs to scratch with. For fuck sake.

Theme: New Safe I've decided to buy myself a new safe. My old one is too small. I've got so much crap inside it. Letters, toys, blades, first aid kit. I've now brought myself a first aid kit for when I cut so I can properly and safely clean up after myself. Anyway, I've had to get myself a new one so it's just waiting around to sort all my crap out and transfer it over to this bad boy.

Theme: Oh My God. I haven't blogged properly in ages. It's been on my mind that I needed to do it and catch up, but truth be told I haven't been feeling to well. I'm so sleep deprived. I'm so tired all the time.

Theme: Nephew I went to visit my new nephew today. He's bloody small. So much hair. They've called him Jayden. Austin's still my favourite nephew. Shh.

"I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her, ohh I'm right over here, why can't you see me, ohh I'm giving it my all, but I'm not the girl you're taking home, ooo I keep dancing on my own" -Robyn

Theme: New Followers I have all these new followers all of a sudden. How wonderful. I'm surprised I'm still here after all this time. I'm pretty impressed I've kept it up this long. It's got so many memories on it I hope I can look back on it all when I'm older and see how much I have grown. It's weird to think I have literally been blogging for years.

Theme: Ouchy My legs are killing me from all the running yesterday. I actually ache from head to toe. I can't even. That fucking patient man. I can't believe I have work tonight as well. Great.

Theme: Absconding I dealt with my first runaway today. I took a patient to the LRI and she legged it. She ran up to the prison, to new walk museum and finally to the train station. I was running after her what felt like hours. At 1am. Not good. I'm proud of myself though. I did everything right. I won't forget that.

Theme: Good Shift I had a really lovely shift tonight with all my patients. Really had a good, creasing laugh. When you've got a good group of staff on everything else is just a bonus. I must have cried multiple time's tonight due to laughing. It's so good to be chill there. 

Theme: Moaner Mum's really hating on me because I'm always asleep in the day. It's because I struggle so much to sleep at night. That's when the flashbacks and intrusive thought's start. Ahh.

Theme: Birmingham Charlie is moving to Birmingham later on this month, so she can attend university. Which means she will be closer to me. I don't know how I feel about that. I will be visiting her in a few days. just going to see how this one goes.

Theme: Backdating God knows what occurred today. That's why the title of this entry is called 'backdate'. Y'know?

Theme: Florida! Getting all my stuff sorted for holiday now, I've got myself a selfie stick. I plan to take photo's with as many disney mascots as possible. I've also got myself a iphone travel charger. I'd shrivel up and die without my phone on the plane.

Theme: Work I have work tonight but it's nice that I just have tonight a few days off then two more shifts. I usually do three days on. So it's good knowing I've just got to grit my teeth and that's it!

Theme: Sunday Today is a Sunday. So nothing can be expected of me. I can't believe I'm back at work tomorrow though, I feel like I haven't had a break at all. I'm so bored of my job I just feel so angrily irritable by it all. I have no passion for it anymore so knowing I am returning to the shit house tomorrow is like, eh.

Theme: Home Alone My parents have gone to a BBQ so I'm getting high in my garden and I'm going to relax and watch Romeo and Juliet afterwards. I don't know what I'm feeling. I guess I'm just feeling alone. I want to be loved but I don't trust it anymore. People are so hurtful to one another.

Theme: Psychology I had some paperwork regarding my psychology appointment. Some of it's really easy but some of it's really difficult and in depth. Hard to answer. I've got a while to do it. One in depth section is that I have to write about basically why I'm unwell. As work is a factor here is what I've done for that section: I feel as though at this moment in time work has effected me greatly. I am a mental health care worker. I have worked at **** for two years and two months now. For a year and a half I was severely emotionally bullied there and at one point physically assaulted by another HCA staff member. Despite reporting this to my then current boss, he walked away from me whilst expressing my concerns to him and therefore the bullying continued up until this person left this place of work. This has left me feeling very uncomfortable and not very confident in my job. I feel as though nothing I do there is right. I have wanted to work in a mental hea...

Theme: Work Work is busy with the new patient. I feel so irritable lately. Everyone's just annoying me.

Theme: Time To Earn Cash Back to work I go. Joy. I can't be arsed to be dealing with anyone's crap anymore. I'm so drained by people.

Theme: Abbey Park Went down Abbey Park today to see Kaylee and her sisters. Had a good time. I love Abbey park I think it's a beautiful place. Had a picnic and got high. The energy in me seem's to drain real easily and quickly lately. I have a constant need to sleep. I prefer to be asleep then awake, at least then I'm not thinking.  

Theme: Backdating This is a backdating so unfortunately I don't remember what went down. I know it was a day off but that is about it. I don't even think I got dressed. Minger.

Theme: Thank God The new patient is here tomorrow, I'm glad I'm not working. She sound's like a handful. I'm glad I'm not working full stop to be fair.

Theme: Nothing Nothing new, it's all just boring. Working, Sleeping and eating. that's about it from me.