One Thousand Five Hundred & Thirty Seven

Theme: Psychology

I had some paperwork regarding my psychology appointment. Some of it's really easy but some of it's really difficult and in depth. Hard to answer. I've got a while to do it. One in depth section is that I have to write about basically why I'm unwell. As work is a factor here is what I've done for that section:

I feel as though at this moment in time work has effected me greatly. I am a mental health care worker. I have worked at **** for two years and two months now. For a year and a half I was severely emotionally bullied there and at one point physically assaulted by another HCA staff member. Despite reporting this to my then current boss, he walked away from me whilst expressing my concerns to him and therefore the bullying continued up until this person left this place of work. This has left me feeling very uncomfortable and not very confident in my job. I feel as though nothing I do there is right. I have wanted to work in a mental health unit since the age of thirteen and I feel as though I have failed myself by not being good enough.

In January I began to start being bullied by a nurse due to my epilepsy. She would openly state that she refused to work with me because of my epilepsy. She would often speak very rudely and harshly to me and if I became upset her nastiness would increase. Instead of speaking to me about the issue, she would often get other members off staff involved to "pass on the message". After reporting this to the manager, the manager backed the nurse up and therefore I felt as though I didn't matter and wasn't worth the time.

When the nurse decided she wanted to talk to me directly, she called me into the office the day after a seizure with another staff member. They sat me down and told me what other staff members are negatively saying about me. This caused me to have a panic attack which lead them to ask inappropriate questions about my personal life. 

I also experienced homophobic bullying at **** by another nurse. This nurse spread inappropriate comments about me to other members of staff. Due to my experience with seeking help from the correct staff members, I failed to report this as I knew I would not be listened too and there would be no positive outcome. 

I have been on work related stress only once, which was in February. This was because I was called to an urgent meeting as it had been reported that I was being inappropriate with a patient. This was because a young, female patient I was looking after became very tearful and distressed. As I have a strong, professional working relationship with this patient, I gave her a hug in the main lounge of the hospital in front of other staff members. It was a simple hug and as stated was done in the presence of others. I believe this was an attack on my sexuality because other members of staff openly hug patients and are never called to a meeting or are accused of such a thing. This effected my work life greatly and I feel as though I cannot move on from this. I feel so alone in my job and I firmly believe that I am very unliked here.

I desperately want to leave my job and I have hopes to become a HCA at the Bradgate unit. Despite filling out an application form multiple times I have never sent one off. As where I work in a small rehab unit I feel as though if I'm no good at where I'm at now, I won't be able to cope anywhere else. I also feel as though career wise no one will want me and I don't have the faith or confidence in myself to apply for other jobs either. I feel useless and as though my life is just stuck.