Eight Hundred & Eighty Five

Theme: I can't trust anyone.

I can't trust anyone. Everything that's happening is not okay. I don't trust anyone at work. I'm even starting to have doubts about the nurse I get on with. I don't want these doubts because then I will truly be left with no one. Sian has told me that someone told her that the nurse has bitched about me. She doesn't know when or what was said. I'm a useless HCA. I'm a useless person. An undeserving person. I gave the nurse some money a while back and she's had two pay days since, and she hasn't paid me back. I just want real friends. Real people. I don't know where I stand with anyone. I still desperately want out of this job despite telling my boss otherwise. I wish I knew what it was like to feel close to someone. I constantly feel that people are out to get me and are trying to get me to break. It's just making everything worse. I'm scared and alone. It has crossed my mind a few times that the nurse might just be taking the piss out of me and is actually using me. I also think, and strongly believe this, that people are purposely trying to hurt me to watch me break down. Everyone's in on it. They all know what they are doing and are working together to do so. I'm lost.

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