One Thousand & Fifty Five

Theme: Thoughts

Been at work, nothing great, nothing to report. Just tired now and waiting for the shift to end. My thoughts haven't been racing that much either. I mean, my thoughts are there, but there talking rather then there usual shouting. There shouting makes it hard for me to hear other people speak. I can only listen to one person at a time. Right now, there just sort of reminding me about how useless I am and how every time someone touches me I turn it to shit. It's my fault. People don't want to be around me. But people never tell me why, they just disappear. That's what gets me the most. I'll never know why half the people in my life have disappeared and I'm just left with this self-blame that's difficult to deal with. They always disappear when they get physically close to me. I feel like I'm getting to old to find someone. I wanted to be married by the time I was thirty but now my chances of that are obviously slimming as time passes by. Was I born to be unhappy? And just...stuck? I want someone to lay next to and be close to and just be in love with. I've never spent the whole night with someone and slept next to them with my arms wrapped tightly around them. Why don't I know what this is like? Fat fat fat.

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