One Thousand One Hundred & Thirty Seven

Theme: Done

I feel so done with trying to support people (patients). I'm not finding it rewarding. I put everything into it but just get nothing back but hurt and anxiety. Had an anxiety attack at work. I know it's silly the reason why, a patient said something to me, it's only very small but to me it hit the spot. It's the exact thing that I wouldn't want anyone to say. She was getting pissed off at me because the nurse said she couldn't shower, now, as a HCA I have to enforce these things. What she said to me what "you don't understand - you wonder why no one talks to you." Now, from someone that's suffered with mental illness since I was twelve (possibly younger) I was fuming. I acted cool but on the radio I asked to be relieved as that was too much. I understand all to well. But no one does talk to me. I'm useless here. Everything I've wanted to do I'm crap at. I've worked so hard to get here and now I'm here, I've just failed at it. It's so much pressure being the failure of the family. I just want to die. I'm worthless.