Ramblings Of A Rambler

Theme: Two Years I can't believe I've been working at my place for nearly two years (5th June) and I haven't been admitted into hospital myself yet.

Theme: Last Bits Just going through my ghost hunting equipment to make sure I've got everything. I'm off to a Victorian school next month. I love having something to look forward too. It keeps me something to keep going for I guess.

Theme: Ear Piercing's My damn ear piercing's hurt so much. I keep catching them. I'm surprised they are not the one's infected. I can't wait for the bar to be changed into a smaller one so I won't be catching them every two damn second's.

Theme: Sims Damn it. I'm hooked on the sim's again. Which is good for my hobbies, but shit for my bank account. I don't even know what got me started on it again. It was just on my ipad. I've also started to replay the walking dead. I had no choice. I had to play it again in order to play the second one. I'm whizzing through it though, as I remember it haha.

Theme: What A Difference What a difference a picture makes to a blog. I had a quick gander at some old post's as I needed to find something and when a blog has picture's on and decorated word's it look's shit load's better. I know I always say this but I must start making an effort with my blog more. Prettyfy the shit out of it!

Theme: Spiritual I'm at the spiritualist church just getting ready for the development class. I don't know why I'm still coming. The numbers of people that come are low and the energy in the room is poor. Plus, I may have said this before but I can't stand the teacher. I dislike her more and more each time I come. It's 12:22pm and no one is here yet. The class starts at 12:30. Fuck me if I'm the only one here with the teacher. It's going to be a long day.

Theme: Music I've had a massive music clear out. The amount of band's I no longer listen too. I haven't cleaned out my music list since I was sixteen. So that's six year's of an ever growing music list cleared out. Took me bloody hours but it's so much better being able to find thing's that I actually enjoy listening too. I have a bit of a thing for Taylor Swift at the moment.

Theme: Night's I can't wait until I'm back on a night shifts. That's when I did a lot of my blogging and I was able to keep up. It's a pain in the arse having to back date like 20 blog's. I don't remember 20 days worth of thing's! I only just remember my name.

Theme: Doctors Referral I went to the doctors today to discuss my mental health, my deteriorating mental health. I've been referred to some psychologist's now so I've just got to sit tight and wait for the letter to come through. I'm nervous. I've also had my medication upped. He was thinking about changing it but it would mean I'd have to wean off of what I'm on. I don't feel stable enough to do that at the moment. So it's been upped and if this doesn't work, then I'll have to change my medication as I'm on the highest dose. 40mg of Citalopram.

Theme: Friendless I feel like shit. I am shit. I ruin everything. Sarah's mad with me. She hates me, I can feel it. She doesn't even want to be in the same room with me and she's just making me feel more and more guilty. I have been coming down with another cold lately. Due to my low mood, my immune system is also affected. Anyway, today me and Sarah were going out to see the king Richard casket thing being brought through to Leicester. Whilst we were walking down to it I became so intensely short of breathe that I actually just couldn't breathe. I wasn't breathing. My chest felt so intensely tight and I became dizzy. I fell to the floor and just sat for a bit. So Sarah took me back to her house. However, I said to her go ahead, you watch it and I'll meet her back at hers. Although she came back with me, we walked back in silence. I had to keep stopping and ended up stripping because I was sweating so much. I apologised massively that she has missed it and ...

Theme: Mong Out Had a good night at Sarah's house. Just sat around watching ghost adventures on the tv and having a catch up. It was nice to be fair. To just chill.

Theme: Weekend! Thank god, last day for the weekend. I'm of to Sarah's tomorrow so at least I have something to look forward to.

Theme: Nothingness Another day of work, another day of nothingness. I'm bored. I've spent the day watching films again. At least in this side of the building I'm actually out of sight of management.

Theme: Bored First day back at work. Doing day shifts. I've spent the day sat on my arse eating. This isn't caring. This isn't working with mental health. I'm being paid to just sit. For some people that would be the perfect job, that's fine, I get that. But not for me. I wanted to care for people experiencing mental distress. That's what I'm trained for. Not this.

Theme: Piercings Not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow so I'm just distracting myself. I went into town today and got five new piercings (two dermals and three forward helix's) and got my eyelashes done. I look okay but inside I'm falling apart. I don't want to be here. I'm struggling.

Theme: Work Sheer panic came over me this morning. Uncontrollable crying and just dread as I thought was I was back at work tomorrow. My mum came home and it turns out I'm not. I'm back at work Wednesday. What a bellend. So my mums just spent time with me going shopping and what not today which has been nice. I just want this year to be over.

Theme: Sadness I’m back from my holiday. Travelling back went fairly quick and I’m now sat on my sofa all wrapped up in my blanket. I went to my bedroom to unpack and I saw the empty space of where my hedgehog used to be. I miss him. I was thinking about him on my way home. Who do I have to get up for? I love him so dearly and I would give so much to just know that he’s okay.

Theme: Last Night The last night in Amsterdamn. I’m all packed up and ready to go, although I don’t want to. I could easily stay here. I went to the red light district tonight to see the difference between the day and the night. It’s not really what I expected. I was expecting it to be really seedy and prostitutes to be spilling the streets. It’s not the case. It’s just the red light district but…dark. Also busy as hell. Men are coming out of the prostitutes windows with a smirk. Yeah, I know what you did. I was offered drugs on my way up to the district. I said no of course, but even the drug dealers are nice. “Okay ladies, have a nice night.” You don’t get that shit in Leicester. In the day I went to the red light district for the purpose of going shopping, and shop I did. I spent €120 on sex toys. Which is actually good because the UK is expensive as hell. I can’t wait to give them all a go. Especially because I have some really weird and unique looking one’s. I wouldn’t have ...

Theme: Red Light District Went to visit the red light district today to go to a couple of sex shops. Cheap as chips. Brought many toys back and only came to €120. How am I going to get all this home? We went out clubbing again last night but that was cut early before we even got to the clubs. I went sort of dizzy and disorientated I was just seeing double. So we went back to the hotel and watched TV and YouTube videos whilst eating bourbons. I'd rather have done that to be honest seeing as the clubs just eat through your pocket.

Theme: Expensive! Trying again with the spliff. Just elsewhere. Going for a pre-rolled mixed with tobacco. It wasn't to bad actually. A lot less harsh. I could happily smoke all of it without a single cough, and I did! Steve is still feeling rough from her space came yesterday. Bless her. But we're up early today and ready for adventures! We went to a few musems today and we went clubbing. The clubbing was expensive as fuck €10 for a vodka and red bull and the clubs are crap! Nothing compared to Leicesters.

Theme: Spliff! First spliff in Amsterdamn was one that I won’t forget. Not for the right reason’s either. If you can imagine putting your mouth around a chimney and taking a deep breath, that wouldn’t be even close to the burn I felt in my throat. It caned. It could be worse though, I could have whited like Steve. Haha. I decided to have the biggest spliff possible to be fair. I was thinking about my hedgehog the whole time.

Theme: Not Functioning. I’m heading into town later to get my eyebrow’s done for my holiday. I can’t get my lashes done I’m to tearful. The lashes would just come straight off. I feel horrible that I’m going on holiday tomorrow. It’s like I’m forgetting about him so quickly and moving on like he wasn’t even in my life. That’s not the case. I want my hedgehog here so badly.

Theme: Hedgehog, RIP. Tonight was a horrible night and one that I won't forget. My poor beautiful baby hedgehog died in my arms today at around 11:00pm. He just went all life and limpless. He didn't appear to of had been in pain. It means a lot to me that I believe he wasn't and that he went fairly quick. He was a lovely pet and I will miss him greatly. I've had many of memories with him that I won't forget. My mum said he died that day because he knew I was going away (which would heartbreak me more not being there) and that he wanted to pass with me. Which he did, in my arms. He was such a small tiny thing. Loveable and stunning. I wanted to get his ashes back from the vet but because of how small he was it wasn't doable. I'd get nothing back. I planned to get his ashes tattoo'd in my leg, which is what I always wanted. So I am disappointed that I can't have him back with me where he belongs. I told him I loved him before he died. I said my g...

Theme: Disney Brought a few disney movies so I'm just planning on having an early night, putting my fairly lights on in my room and chilling out to some good old classics.

Theme: Packing Seriously sorting things out for my holiday now. I'm so excited. It seems like I booked it ages ago. I dread to think what shenanigans me and Steve are going to get up too.

Theme: Blogging Whilst Away I won't be blogging whilst I'm away. I'll just be writing in my phones notebook and will copy + paste it over when I get back. As I don't really want to be spending any time on my phone. I want to enjoy Amsterdam. I can be on my phone and blog any time. Just sayin'.

Theme: Weird. I always find the day after my birthday really weird. It's like another day done. It won't happen again until next year. It goes as quickly as it comes. It's just. Odd?

Theme: 22! It's my 22nd birthday. Get me. I'm all old. I feel like I qualify for a walking frame now I feel so old. I've had a good day though. I went cinema with my mum to see big hero 6 which was bloody brilliant. I loved it especially because the character reminded me of me in the way that he woddles. Haha. I got a fair bit for my birthday. I got money (English and euros). I got my pandora bracelet pretty much finished off, chocolate, foot spa and much more! And tonight I'm going out fake a me with my family.

Theme: Happy Birthday Sonic! It's Sonics 3rd birthday today. Happy birthday my baby. It's also my birthday tomorrow. It doesn't feel like it though. I guess you loose the excitement as you get older. How crap is that?

Theme: Backdate Boo. More backdating. Just planning things for my birthday and semi-packing for my holiday.

Theme: Holiday Just busy getting a things sorted for my holiday. As short and sweet this is but well, that's it.