Ramblings Of A Rambler

Theme: This is Halloween! As you all know, I was sleeping round Steve's. When I arrived there we hung up some decorations, that simply didn't want to stay up, but when they were all up and done it looked bloody awesome. Whilst we were doing the decorations Steve put on a Halloween CD. So yeah, we were hanging up decorations to the sound's of steps. But I'm cool with that! Just means I can never let that slide, Haha  Then we moved onto the pumpkins! I've never done a pumpkin before so Steve gave me the newspaper that had all the instructions on (that actually came in handy) and it's really fun to do! You can see the results below. You can tell Steve's got  more pumpkin experience than me because her's is a lot more straight and neat, mine's kind of like wonky and one eye's bigger than the other. I also broke his eye by accident. Not bad for my first attempt though, I must say! Time practically f...

Theme: All Hallow's Eve Eve Samhain tomorrow. Whilst I should be a good little wiccan and do a special little ritual for my god and goddess I'm not. Instead I'm off down Shaun's tomorrow for a nightly session of dressing up in awesome gear and carving pumpkins. I cannot wait. I feel like we've had this planned for months. After dressing up we're going to grab some food at a place that I can't spell and then to see Paranormal Activity. Excite! I will be taking pictures! Especially of the pumpkins. I've never done a pumpkin all by myself before, I only did them when I was little, by little I mean, at the age where I'm now allowed to hold a knife by myself haha. So it's going to be brilliant. I was invited out with Steve last halloween but I couldn't go as I had a bit of a funny turn with my epilepsy. I will be piling it up the moment I wake up! Here's a note to self of thing's I need to pack/already packed:  ✓   Camera  ✓   W...

Theme: Eye Contacts! Anyone who is squeamish about eyes, this is not the blog entry for you.   I went shopping with Steve a few days ago and brought some contacts. But I couldn't officially try them on until I got this liquid cleansing stuff for them. So that same day I ordered it off ebay at a pretty cool price. It came today, which meant I finally got to fiddle with them, and fiddly they are! I dropped them a number of time's before I managed to get them in my eyes and I could get arguing with myself whether they are inside out or not. However, after about ten minutes of doing this (for one eye) I finally got it in, and the next eye was a peice of piss. They looked fucking amazing. I cannot wait for the zombie day now. It felt weird having them in at first but after a few minutes that weirdness went away. I could see clearly accept for this blur all around my eyes. Otherwise, they are just dead comfy. Tak...

Theme: Christmas Present! I just brought Steve's christmas present. I am dead chuffed with it. I searched forever to find that sort of thing. I've had to get it from America as there is no chance in hell the UK will ever sell it. I'm so awful at keeping christmas present's a secret now-a-days. I just get so excitable and feel the need to say what it is. Good thing is she doesn't like surprises so it's a plus for me. I've also brought my mum's as well. I'm kind of doing a combined present with my brothers. Watch that they won't pay me. I've brought my mum some market stalls for the doll's house that she make's. She's pretty good at it too. Anyway, to see what I've brought Steve,  click here .

Theme: Christopher Johnson McCandless If you're not interested in the McCandless family, then there is no need to read this entry, I won't be offended. I was looking through the Into The Wild forum today and I came across three letters written by Chris's sisters. I knew that Chris had a crappy upbringing, but the letters explained thing's in more depth, but still trying to keep certain details under wraps. I was shocked by the letters to be fair. They made me love and respect Chris more. I mean, I knew his parents (Walt and Billie) what pretty much assholes but I never realised how much of an asshole they were. To cut a long story short, Walt and Billie were very successful and financially well off people. However, Walt already had children with the wife (whom he was still married too). Which made the marriage with Billie fraudulent and in them days Chris, and Chris's sister, Carine, would have then known as "bastard children." (I hate that term so m...

Theme: God help me. I have done fuck all today. Literally. I think I've been doing that because my mum is off work and there is nothing round the house need's doing. Although, I did find out that my brother's took my kindle without asking me. We all know I'm slightly on the porn fein side so luckily I have a password on my kindle. But, if he plugs it into his computer I'm not sure if he can still access my files or not. So I have had to log onto amazon and delete the books through there and just hope for the best. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not dumb enough to have a folder on that that says "porn". I'm too subtle for that, I have a porn folder on my laptop called "zebra" and it's saved in my music files, safety first kids. Anyway, hopefully he wouldn't know unless he open's one. But it's like, can a girl not get to read porn? Christ sake. 

Theme: Herschel made Rick not once, twice, but three time's a lady.   Had a brilliant day with Steve, as usual. We went shopping for shoes and some more halloween thing's. Steve got some work shoes and a rather cute pair of blue like high heels. If my feet would fit into them, I would have also grabbed myself a pair. I also bought my first ever pair of eye contacts for our zombie day (17th November). The contacts will completely take away the eye colour and will only have my pupil left. I'm so excited to try them on. They will look brilliant with the zombie wedding dress. After shopping we both went to see the film 'Hotel Transylvania'. It was so much better than I thought it would be, and just generally different to what I was expecting. Had lots of funny and cute moment's in it. A sentence that did come up often in the film was, "You only get once zing." Nawh ♥. As Steve picked this one, it really does prove that I cannot pick movies for shit. T...

Theme: Dreams! I keep meaning to note my dreams down but I either keep forgetting or they generally creep me out to the point where if I told others, they would also be creeped out. But I had this one dream a few nights ago that at the time, I felt awful about, but now I think about it, I find it fucking hilarious  Here's what happened (from what I can remember): I was at a wedding and I was just about to leave when this blonde skinny ass bitch called me fat, when I turned round to her and I was like "you what?" she made another comment. So in one swift move I grabbed the fork near her and just stabbed her in her hand and walked off like I was full of swag and was just like:

Theme: What the hell? What the hell is with people? When I don't want to talk about something, all they want to to do is discuss it more, and in depth. The conversation topic is then everywhere. On the news, the radio, magazines. I just don't want to hear about it anymore. My mum's getting a gastric band fitted soon. (no one's meant to know like) and to be honest, I just don't want to know. It's such a huge reminder that I'm a fattie. An ugly, worthless fattie that doesn't deserve to be here. I just don't want it. I don't want to hear my family discussing it. I'm so depressed. As usual. I started suffering with depression with I was twelve years old, so that's nine years running now. I can honestly say it's only got worse over time and I'm a lot more socially withdrawn because of it. Every little thing I do is like climbing a mountain. I'm exhausted all the time. I'd so love to go on antidepressants  I know that they...

Theme: Steve/Shaun Putting the blog entry above a side for a moment, I just want to thank the one homo in my life that makes life somewhat bearable. I've never had a friend that didn't aim to make me feel like shit. That didn't bully me or just cause me shit day in day out. I've never had a friend that I've clicked with so much yet we also have so many differences. I couldn't be more grateful for you. I've also never had a friend that I've had so many personal jokes with, dayum. I mean, stop me if I out gay myself here, but I'm totally grateful you're in my life.  I hope that one day we get to battle zombies, again, (but survive this time). I couldn't thank you enough for listening to me bitch, for coming to see Emile Hirsch movies with me, for coming to see shit movies with me (yeah, sorry about that one) and for just being the homo that you are. Love, Robin.

Theme: Nothingness Not been doing much today, it's been my day off work so I slept in fairly late. I just visited my grandma and watched crappy shit on tv. I'm feeling kind of tacky today to be fair. I feel worthless and fat. I could just crawl under a rock if I could find one big enough. Anyway, I am now adding something new to my blog. It's a little red star. It won't be on every entry. It's just something personal. It's nothing to worry about like, it's just a reminder for me.

Theme: Oh My Days! Wahey! Me & Steve are now also going to the New Walk museum for halloween. We stayed up till fairly late planning exactly what we're going to do. I'm so damn excited. I can't cope. Haha. I'm also off uptown with her on Thursday to shop a little bit and to go cinema. I'm really debating weather or not to get contact lenses, they look a bitch to take out, the putting in isn't a bother. I also need fake blood!

Theme: Wedding Dress! My wedding dress is here for the zombie event on November 17th. I'm so excited now. I absolutely love it. It fit's in all the right places and it looks so damn cute, even if I do say so myself. It's got mud, blood and rips all over it. The only problem is, is that the lady forgot to send me my veil, however she's sending that out to me today. I just can't wait to put it on. It was totally worth the £30. I'm so excited I've decided to do a countdown for halloween and for the event. I'm still debating on the contact lenses, they are a little bit expensive for one day so maybe after halloween I can get them cheaper and it's getting that zombie look, y'know? 10 days till halloween 27 days till zombie convention

Theme: Todays Plan! I plan to watch paranormal activity today. In the correct order. A few days ago Steve was trying to explain a few thing's to me that I had forgotten in the other movies and I got all confused in what order goes where. Even if I did understand it, I'd watch it again because I don't want to sit there on halloween like all confused. Not only that, I've only seen the second and third one once, so it will generally do me some good to get caught up again. 

Theme: Halloween There are no clubs open for halloween. How annoying. I can't even. What the hell? So the plan is to go watch paranormal activity and go Wagamamas. I've been looking for some event's that's going on and there's nothing! Why can we not be like America and go all out? I think that's going to have to go on my bucket list. Experience one halloween in America. I'm still looking forward to it though. I feel like I'm counting down the days.

Theme: The Walking Dead! I watched the first episode of 'The Walking Dead's' season three. It's pretty damn good I won't lie. You can see that some of the character's have changed overtime. * Spoiler alert * For example, Rick is now super pissed at Lori. I love the pissed of Rick. Also there seems to be a bit of a budding romance between Daryl and Carol. In the last season the thought of it would make me cringe. However, I'm kind of warming to it now. It's so cute yet so awkward. Looking forward to the next season. Out of all three season's there's only been one episode where I've thought "eh." I can't wait to see what surprises they have install for us viewers!  This is no longer a democracy anymore... it's a Ricktatorship.

Theme: Tattoo! I have three tattoo plans. Funnily enough they all revolve around into the wild. However, I am not going to get all of them. It's more of an "if this idea doesn't work, then there's this one." There comes a point when you have to stop. My body isn't going to be themed! So I thought I'd note down all my plans whilst the idea is in my head: on my back, the flowers that are next to the bus, "I now walk into the wild." on the side of my foot, the smallest picture of the bus humanly possible on my ankle. I'm so intensely desperate to get the bus on me. It's just with my body weight and work it's finding a place that's good enough. The good thing about them being on my foot is that they are easy to hide. I just don't want to cram my feet with tattoo's. I already have the Banksy art-piece there. Another positive is that, I won't be getting it till March, so I have lots of time to think.

Theme: Busy! Been busy today. Woke up and I went to sign on at the Job center. It's bloody useless. They want me to do volunteer work at Asda with the chance of a job at the end of eight weeks. But I've rang up asda to find out if they have  job vacancies and they don't. So it's obvious what they are doing. They are taking on volunteers and as soon as the eight weeks are up, they tell them to leave and get the new volunteer's in. I'm not falling for that trap. If they put me somewhere where people benefit from it such as a charity shop or a hospital, I welcome it with open arms, but I am not being made out to be a fool. After that me and my mum went to go get our hairs cut. I wanted my cut for halloween which I am highly looking forward to. Then we went to go and see Frankenweenie. It was cute! I saw the extended advert for 'The Hobbit'. A few of the hobbits were standing around and singing a song really deeply it nearly made me cry. It's not a...

Theme: WHAT IS AIR? Holy kitten-nibbles. If you are a tumblr user, you should be fairly familiar with anonymous hate. I get it all the time, even though there are no personal details on my tumblr. Anyway, I have now brought this thing for like 60p where when someone sends me anonymous hate, it actually comes through telling me who they really are. Not none of this ip address shit, it tells me there actual tumblr URL. This means I can publish their hate message and I can have my follower's have a go at them. I'm so chuffed with myself.

Theme: The party don't start 'till I log in...  Long time, no porn.

Theme: Cancel That! Originally I was writing some of my negative memories down, but eventually it turned into a book and I just got sick and tired of writing it! The post was just getting longer and longer and I just thought fuck it, so I've deleted the post's and now I'm just doing a normal back date. Nothing's really happened today. Went to work as usually. The person that I work with is becoming nicer to me lately. She's making more of an effort and talking to me more. It's weird, but nice. It's a lot better than the silent treatment she gives me even though I've done fuck all wrong. 

Theme: Zombie Convention! I've just bought some tickets to go to Leicester's Zombie convention with Steve on the 17th November  I'm full on dead excited. I am praying it will be better than the crappy tattoo convention I dragged her to last year *apologies for that Steve*. Anyway, I am going as a zombie bride, I'm getting my dress made for me for £30 and it comes with mud, rips, blood and a cute little veil! I'm dead excited  I'm just chuffed to bits that my halloween costume is all cool beans too. At the convention thing Paddy from Emmerdale will be there. I've got strict instructions from my mum to get an autograph and a photo with him.

Theme: Recovering I'm still recovering from my fit. Everything still feels a little blurry. The best way to describe it is going out, getting hammered and finding out all the embarrassing things you did the day after. My tongue is completely mashed up from biting down on it during my fit. I find it difficult to say some words and to eat certain foods  I'm having to eat pasta.

Theme: Fit. I'm having to back date this because I had another epileptic fit, which means I have no recollection of what happened today. So I have nothing to say anyway. Sorry! I know that my plan was to write in more detail, but I guess I have to make exceptions for days when I have fits because it's just not possible.

Theme: IT FITS!  I got my dress today. It fits. It actually fit's perfectly. It doesn't even need taking up at the bottom. I thought it would because I'm fairly small, but it doesn't. It's cute. I love it. I just have to wait for my mum to come home to double check, otherwise, it fits, it actually fits and it's such a bloody huge relief. I tried my wing's on with it and it looks okay. It wasn't until I decided to test drive the hair spray. Yeah, the hair spray is a definite no. I got it everywhere it was hilarious. Not only that, it makes your hair hard. I hate that feeling, it drives me mad. It would have looked alright as well, but it doesn't matter, I'm not too heartbroken about it.

Theme: Aunt Irma. I spent the day being ill and pissed at everyone.  

Theme: I just felt the need to blog this.

Theme: Shopping! Went shopping with Steve again today. No one does shopping like we do shopping. Our shopping is fun. Not only that, Steve need's someone to shop with her otherwise she just misses thing's. Lot's of things. It was fun anyway. We both went into a costume store and bought some thing's for halloween. I bought some black hair spray and wings. I dropped those damn thing's so many time's. I've brought the biggest one's possible and they are so damn cute! I've also found some fake eyelashes that match my mask which is a huge plus. I love ridiculous eyelashes. Let's see me struggle to put them on. After shopping and getting something to munch at gregs we made our way to the cinema to watch 'Sinister'. It was one of those films that are absolutely ridiculous but you can't put your finger on what's ridiculous about it. It was really good and I would suggest it for sure. There was this adorable...

Theme: Ooooh Dress! I found myself a dress. If it fits or not that's a different story. If it doesn't fit, it will be like an inch of, of not fitting. I've ordered it I just have to wait for it to arrive. It's only a simple black thing, but it's pretty and it's a maxi dress. Do you know how long I have wanted to wear a maxi dress? It shows of my shoulders which I'm cool beans with me. I'm feeling a little less stressed. Still feeling ugly but whatever. I can't wait to go by some make-up though. I've decided to go halloween as some sort of dark fairy mashup of darkness? I've also decided that if the dress full on doesn't fit, the seller will get a hell of a mouth full and the dress will also earn a place on a fire. 

Theme: Fat bitch. I have no idea what I'm wearing for halloween. I want to wear a dress so so badly but I know I can't. I'm just so fat. So fucking hideous it makes me sick. I will never look good in anything. I'm having to cover my body in just some black trousers and a plain old t-shirt, which by the way, everyone has seen me in so it's nothing really special. Now my mum's basically telling me that no matter what I go as for halloween people will laugh and cause shit? Dear psychiatrists  did you know that my self-esteem issues actually stem from my mum? I'm so ugly and just so unworthy to be here it's ridiculous  I remember when I went clubbing with one of my friend's she was wearing such a pretty little dress. So was everyone else in the club. I was there, in a t-shirt and trousers. I felt like the odd one. The obvious fat one that can't ever be beautiful. 

Theme: Fat People Rant If you know me in real life you will know that I am a big girl. But sometimes losing weight, it can bother me. I've lost weight before and people notice me. More people that would notice me, then if I was big. They want to be around me, more people generally like me. It’s stressful because they only want this, because of the way I look. My personality means shit. It’s the shallowness of society. If I’m bigger, no one wants to know me physically or get to know my personality. Let’s do a scenario:  I’m at the weight that is acceptable by society. I meet someone, we fall in love get married blah blah blah. I hit the age of forty. I start to gain weight. A lot of weight. Does that mean I should expect divorce papers to come through because I'm not that “slim” girl you married? When I meet someone, I want to meet someone that can see past my weight. I want to meet someone who acknowledges my personality first rather than looks because when we get olde...

Theme: Gym! I have nothing to do. I just keep waking up everyday and doing the same thing's on repeat. I mean at the moment I'm happy, but I know after a while the novelty will eventually wear off. So, I've decided to join the gym....again. It's £30 a month for every facility possible. I'm going by tomorrow to pay for the join up and get an induction. I won't lie. I'm dreading the induction. I just know it's going to be some skinny ass bitch who will raise her eyebrows when the scales numbers keep going up and up. I completely and utterly despise the treadmill. I get so frustrated that I'm walking on the same spot without actually going anywhere. It's also the annoying thud of my feet when they hit the belt. I'm practically willing to do anything other then the damn treadmill. I can't wait to do weights. For some reason I get a real good rush from it all. However, I just know that the gym is going to be surrounded by men laughing at ...

Theme: Writing More! A few days ago I was looking at a blog I used to keep when I was like 15/16 and every single entry was just so full of cringe I wouldn't even know where to begin. Then I looked at the blog I am writing now, nothing is cringe worthy at this moment in time . However, I have also noticed that I lack detail and I really don't write as much as I should. I want to be able to look back at my blog in a few years time and think "good god, what on earth was running through my head?" but because I write so little it might be difficult to do that in the future. So here's my goal: write in more detail! Don't worry, I won't be writing every single thing I do, that's just too much. But I will be writing more!

Four hundredth post!

Theme: Perks Of Being A Wallflower Went cinema with my mum yesterday to see 'The perks of being a wallflower'. I loved it. It was really good. In all honesty it didn't compare much to the book. But many films are like that. The books are always better. It missed out a few of my favourite thing's, but that's okay, the film really was good. Even my mum liked it and she really didn't want to see it. After the film, we went out for a meal and came home and watched the housewives of orange county. So all in all, my day has been pretty ace. Just a shout out to Shaun, who is dog ill. I hope you feel better soon mofo!

Theme: Emile Hirsch Nightmares! I think I've gone beyond fangirl and I'm more into 'stalker' level now. I had a bad dream about him the other night. I had a dream Emile was dating Naomi Campbell and I found this out through a newspaper because Naomi got a tattoo across her chest that said "Emlieber" (a word that is only existing in my dream, and it's like what the justin Bieber fans are  Beliebers ,  but instead it's Emile Hirsch). I could literally feel my heart tear in two. I was just sitting there like "That bitch! She's not even pretty!". Anyway, it was all a nightmare and to my knowledge, he's single.

Theme: Iphone 5 Had to reserve the Iphone 5 again . With a bit of luck I can pick it up tomorrow. The lame thing is, even though I will have it, I won't have the sim card to actually use the phone because the sim card has to be certain size to fit into the phone and well, my sim card simply hasn't arrived yet. I can't even. -_- On the bright side, a Charles Manson programme is on tonight.

Theme: Better! I feel a hell of alot better than yesterday. As it was a Sunday, and I always feel negative on a sunday, what can you expect? Anyway, I had my job interview today for working in Social Services. The male interviewer was a complete arsehole. He was so much of an arsehole I actually think the female interviewer took majour pity on me. Not only that, as I have never done the job before I had no idea what some of the answer's were to the questions he was asking. The moment he saw me I knew I wasn't getting that job. He looked me up and down and gave me a dirty look. It was in his eyes "she's fat, she isn't working here". As I passed the office where everyone was working, everyone was skinny and pretty. I didn't have my hopes up so I wasn't too let down. Not a brilliant way to start 1st October, but whatever.