Ramblings Of A Rambler

Theme: HAPPY NEW YEAR! Yeah, I'm still ass pessimistic as ever. I couldn't give a shit that it's new year. A a number doesn't change a thing. I'm actually sat on bedroom observations whilst writing this. Yep, I requested to work because that's how many fucks I give about new year. Although in a way I wish I hadn't come in because I witness my favourite nurse, Sarah, being pushed into by another tit nurse. There's so much bullying going on there but no one bothers to say anything, your talking to a fucking brick wall. Everyone can just go fuck themselves :).

Theme: Working I'm working over the next few days. I'm glad as I don't want to be at home wallowing in my own self pity feeling jealous of all the people that got invited to parties and posting about it on Facebook and all that bullshit. I don't care. I'm just happy to work. I've never, ever, celebrated New Years so in reality I'm. It that fused. I'd just rather be at home in my bed or playing Lego or some shit. But I always feel like that anyway, ha.

Theme: Just shut your face. Sian used to be so nice before she really started the job. Now she is royally getting on my tits. She's a jealous spiteful human being. Its taking the piss. Even other nurse's are starting to have concerns about her attitude towards me. She is displaying bullying behaviour. She's a bullshitter. She told me today that people are picking up on the fact that I only pick up shifts if Sarah is on. Which is untrue. I am always short of shift's so I just pick up whatever. However, Say if I work Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. A nurse I happen to hate is working the Sunday, and a nurse I like is working a Thursday, which fucking shift would you pick up? It's no one's fucking business what shift I'm doing. Stay out of my way, hoe.

Theme: Work Just working, doing the usual shit. Listening to the usual shit. Being treated like shit. Shit.

Theme: Christmas time I wish I felt the same way about Christmas as when I was a kid. That magic just goes when you get older. It's a shame. I still look forward to Christmas though of course and I'm not looking at it from a depressive point of view. It's just that I'm older now, so I can't leave carrots out for Rudolf or mince pie's oit for Santa. Shame.

Theme: Mood Chart I have been filling this mood chart out over the past few days to record my mood for when I go doctors. Sarah, the nurse told me to do it. She is also doing one for herself. I actually find it quite fun to do, yet scary. I am unsure where mine can get me sectioned or it's normal or not. Ha. Whatever, to view mine, click here.

Theme: It's Christmas! Had a good Christmas. Got up at around Seven-ish and opened presents. I got a lot of socks, sweets and I got my microdermal piercing done prior to Christmas. I got lot's of little bit's I had a good time really. It's a shame it went by so quickly. I wasn't working this Christmas, so chance's are next Christmas I will be. Anyway, we went to see family to give out more presents. Then we came home, ate and drank. I won't lie, my Christmas wasn't going to end until I was at least tipsy. It took a long bloody time though. Half a bottle of southern comfort. Bleeding heck.  

Theme: Christmas Eve I'm looking forward to just chilling for Christmas now. I've had a little bit of southern comfort but I'm saving it for tomorrow to make sure I can't stand by the end of the night. A little bit of southern comfort and lemonade is bloody lush. I'm so tired. I still get so excited for Christmas though. I'm such a little geek.

Theme: £100! I just brought myself a medical bracelet. I need to wear one really for when I'm out and about. It just has my details on like name, contact details ect. Like a dog collar but for humans. When I was younger my mum used to make me wear's these stupid dog tags that "accidentally went missing". But the bracelet that I have brought cost £100 and it's tiffany style. It's so damn cute and I can't wait for it.

Theme: Oooh Flowers! I got a bunch of flowers delivered at my door today. They where the biggest bunch I have ever seen and absolutley stunning. They had all sort's in, roses, tulips ect. A majority of it was a purple colour and purple is my favourite colour and it had so much glitter in and oh my god. It was from my boss, as a sort of get well thing. Bless. Anyway, I'm not in tonight to try and recover from my fit, as I am still very, very exhuasted. 

Theme: Seizure I had another epileptic fit today. This time it was at work. Right inside bedrooms. Right outside a patient's bedroom. Oh dear. Luckily enough Sarah was on so I felt safe however, Sian was there. She stressed me out so much I think her behaviour is actually what caused the seizure. One of the patient's there is an insomniac so she was also there, from beginning to end. I was laying down on the floor in recovery position and therefore freezing my tits off, so the patient brought me like fifty blankets and pillows. Bless her. She was so concerned and worried. She is one of my favourite patient's which is good. They say you shouldn't have favourite's but it's bullocks. How can you not have favourite's. Anyway, back to my seizure. I tasted my seizure before I had it. I've never done that before. I told my boss I knew when they where coming on so it wouldn't affect me getting the job. Lol, I lie. I also told him I very rarley have them

Theme: Heimlich Maneuver I did my first Heimlich maneuver today, worked like a bloody charm. Two goes and out it popped. Before I was actually really anxious about it in case I did it wrong and the patient died. I did it no problems. I was calm through out the whole thing. As if I've done it a million times before. I probably hurt the poor girl though as I did it hard. If someone's trying to kill themselves though I don't want to mess around. I feel sick though and on edge because Sian is on. Her moaning about the same thing is getting too me. I hate it. I just hate it. I really can't stand it when people bitch about my close friends. What the hell am I meant to do? I don't want to be here. My anxiety is on edge. I want to find a big black hole and crawl into it and never come out. It will be safe in my hole. No fucker coming in and no fucker coming out. Every noise is making me jump. I just feel so sick and generally terrified.

Theme: Food! Im going out with my mum today for breakfast. I can't contain my excitement. How sad. Then I'm off to work later with *Sarah (renamed my fave nurse). Well I think she's in anyway. I hope so because we have a few things to discuss. Like what courses I should go on. I'd like to be able to run a group therapy session one day. So we're looking into that. We can't do it if Sian is on though because she gets majorly pissed off if I have a "one-to-one" with Sarah.

Theme: The Motel Life I watched the motel life today with 'Emile Hirsch' in. Needless to say, I cried my eyes out. It was a good film. At first I was like what you on about? But when you really watch it, it did more than pull on my heart strings. Oh Gosh, I can't even. I can't wait to grab it on DVD. My DVD collection is built mainly on all the films Emile Hirsch has been in. I'm such a sucker.

Theme: CBA I just can't be arsed with today. Same old shit different day init girl? I want some time off to just drawl at a wall.

Theme: Hit me, whatever, hit my friends. Bitch, you're going down The little shit of a patient hit the nurse in charge today. Not just any nurse in charge though, Alison. Not fucking happy in the least. Bless her, she was all shaken up. I wanted to ring that little shits neck. She punched her because Alison wouldn't let her get an ambulance for a fake asthma attack. I went upstairs to see if the agency staff where okay with the patient and when I was about to leave all I heard was "bitch". Like hell am I going to let that go, so I turned around and went back and had a go at her saying that she has just assaulted a nurse. Bleurgh. I'm going to have to change Alison's name for privacy reasons. Let's call her Sarah from now on.

Theme: Legal Reasons As I'm pressing charges against the patient that hit me I'm no longer allowed upstairs in order to care for her. Fucking suits me fine. I'm not being punched in the face again. Everything's been taken off her, her phone, laptop, Christmas tree, tv, everything. Oh didums, how my heart bleeds. When she punched the nurse she really did some damage and made her ears swell up and pop and Eurgh. Just how dare she. Who does she think she fucking is?

Theme: You fat, greasy hobbit! The patient assaulted another member of staff today, only this time in a much more serious way. Pulled a knife on her. Went to go and slash her but fortunately the HCA was wearing thick clothing. I love this HCA as well, she's bloody lovely. Then the patient tried to push her down the stairs. Fucking stupid. All because the HCA said she couldn't have another cigarette yet. This has got to stop. Shit is really hitting the fan at work.

Theme: The Hobbit I went to see the hobbit today with Steve. Unfortunately it was after a night shift so I kept drifting off. Oops. I'm actually disappointed with it. There was a female character in it that I just wanted to punch because I don't know it was just so cheesy. The cheesiness took awake the heartfelt feels about it. I'll obviously go to see the last one, I've got too, but I am disappointed. I wanted to feel my heart being yanked out like I did in all of The Lord of the rings.

Theme: Pressing Charges I'm pressing charges against the girl that hit me the other day. No bitch can just hit me and get away with it. I'm just grateful for the staff members that was on last night for being so supportive. Especially Alison. I ended up ringing her at like 1am because I didn't know what to do. The nurse in charge was a agency nurse and quite frankly, shit.

Theme: Twatted I got twatted in the face by a patient tonight? Why? Because the nurse in charge wouldn't let her have a Chinese. I mean, really? She tried to self harm with a kettle and I was holding the kettle down which is when she went to punch me. It's weird because I had no instinct to punch her back. I just thought "that's it girl, you've really pissed in the wind now, you might as well just pack your bag and leave now". She is leaving. There's going to be a huge meeting to try and get her out because she has punched a member of staff before. It just sucks because I put so much time and effort into her I just thought, you dumb cow.

Theme: Nervous I feel nervous about tomorrow night. I don't know why. I think that because it's an agency nurse on. I don't know if the clients will take the opportunity and play up. I'm prepared though. Cigarettes and chocolate and an extra bottle of lucozade in case things do go tits up.

Theme: Sleep I love sleeping in the day after a night shift. Knowing that everyone else is running around at work. I seem to sleep better in the day.

Theme: Bleeding heck! Nothing new to say, just that it's been nearly two years since I started this blog. I'm so happy with myself that I kept it going, I like to see how much I've grown over the last two years. It's weird looking back on old entries. It's nice though. I just wish I had more readers though. Not for the popularity point of view but because I just want to share my life with people. I didn't think id keep this up for this long, I've never kept any other blog up this long before. I don't know why I'm so dedicated to this one. Oh well, hats off to me anyway.

Theme: Nightshift Fairly good night shift. Nothing to report. I'm on with my favourite nurse and a good group of staff members. All is well!

Theme: Bed I'm not hungover because I really didn't drink a lot, which is a good thing because of the amount of walking I was doing and the amount if strangers that approached me whilst I was alone and had to shoe off. I didn't like the fact that I was on my own and I had strangers approaching me. Anyway. I'm in bed. And it's lovely and gives sexy hugs. I'm a bedsexual.

Theme: Bastards! Went to the night out and it was alright at first. We went to Yates which I do have a soft spot for anyway, then we moved onto hush. Which was crisp because we were the only ones in the and the floor was so sticky my shoes kept coming off, however, I did get to have a bloody good dance with the maintenance man and the chief. I think they knew my social anxiety was coming through because they forced me to get up and dance. The chief did this sort of weird bum shuffle with me so I kept falling over. Anyway, after hush I left something behind so I told three people I'm just nipping back upstairs to get my things. I came back dome and no one was there. Luckily enough I wasn't on my own so me and another member off staff went looking for them for about half an hour. She got bored and went home. I wish I went home because I carried on looking for three hours. Around town. On my own. They said they where at this club and so I went there and they had left. They th

Theme: Night out I'm going to the night out tomorrow. I'm actually looking forward to it now. I've had my eyelash's done and got my dress sorted. I just hope my social anxiety doesn't show through!

Theme: Work Just at work. Doing what people at work do. Which is work.

Theme: I don't want to talk about it. Sian keeps discussing the whole incident where we got pulled in the office. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm sick of it. All of it. I feel so fucking ill, all the time. I want to be happy again. I can't remember how long ago that was. I need support but I have none. I think Alison is sick of me. Help? I just can't be arsed with any of this anymore. People are so hurtful. I've got the Christmas do this Friday. I don't want to go, but I have to because the person who did the rota made it so I could. I wish I was liked.

Theme: Money! Work is fine. I just can't wait to get paid. I can't believe I'm at that point where all I look forward to is being paid. Not good.

Theme: The night before.... I hate the night before work. I'm always counting down the hours I have left until I'm someone's fucking skivvy. I want out of this job. This isn't what I had in mind.