Ramblings Of A Rambler

Theme: Goddamnit I hate internet dating with a passion, but here I am. I'm such a sad sod. I even thought I'd increase my chances my joining plenty of fish and okcupid. I've had dates on these website's before but no wonder these guys are single. They wouldn't know how to treat a human being, let alone a women if given an instruction manual. 

Theme: Sleep I just want to sleep the day away. I don't want to be awake anymore. It's too hard.

Theme: Gastric Band I don't think I've mentioned this but I've decided to have the gastric band. Me and my mum have been toying with the idea for a while now and it's a definite go ahead. We will be doing it early next year. Get Christmas out the way and we will have the money together to go for the operation privately. I'm nervous about it but hey ho. I'm looking forward to it. I think emotionally it won't help, I'll always see myself as a disgusting individual but I don't know. Whatever, yknow? I'm getting it to be healthier, I've been dieting since I was in primary school. I'll look better I'm not doubting that.

Theme: Better I'm feeling better today thank goodness. I don't do well I'll. It makes me miserable and I just drown in self-pitty. I'm just really tired today so I've spent most of the day sleeping.

Theme: Dying I've called in sick for tonight's shift. I've got a sore throat and I just have 0 energy. I know I shouldn't have really called in but I knew I would have fallen asleep on shift if I had. They blame you for calling in sick and then they blame you for falling asleep on shift. You can't win really.

Theme: Death Do you know when you can just feel that an illness is coming and you try desperately to try to stop it and you know you just can't? Yeah, well that's me now.

Theme: Bleurgh Day off today but as I was working yesterday I'm pretty much sleeping all day. So boring shit.

Theme: New piercing! Yes I actually have room for another one. It didn't hurt. Felt really comfortable actually. I got my septum done. I didn't think it would suit me, I only got it done because I've got nowhere left to pierce that I can hide. I really like it. Bloody stings when I move my nose in certain ways though. It's so cute.

Theme: Diet Cereal! My test diet cereal came. It is literally the shit! I've gone and ordered two bags of it which cost a whopping £70. I didn't think I'd like it because I hate almonds but no - you can't really taste the almonds. It's not like any cereal I've ever had. Some weird shit man.

Theme: Shopping Just doing some window shopping...on the Internet. Other then that today is just a lazy day.

Theme: Nothing Nothing's happening. It's all so boring. Just plodding along. There's just nothing new to say really. I am desperate for a new task. I have a real urge to learn something new. But I don't learn very well when it come's to things like online courses. I like the classroom environment too much.

Theme: Backdate Same old shit different day. What can I say? Just at work, obviously on a nightshift. It's so quiet. Everyone has lost interest in work. I think it's because no one has any enthusiasm anymore. The management team has just beaten it out of you.

Theme: Laptop Scare The past few days my laptop has been playing up big style. I just know it's been riddled with virus's. So I took the plunge and decided to wipe my laptop. I have zero experience wiping laptops, let alone mac laptops. Either way, I've done it and precious is now disease free!

Theme: Damn Laptop My laptop is riddled with more viruses then a damn hooker. That's what you get for wanting to get freebies. I was trying to download the prison tycoon game as I remember playing it as a child and loved it. I also loved playing rollercoaster tycoon and it used to be so easy to get them all for free. Not anymore.

Theme: Dating I'm back on the dating websites. How embarrassing. I feel like such a freak that I can't meet people in "real life". The way normal people can. It's hard being so unwanted.

Theme: Bored I'm so bored these days. I have no hobbies or interests. I don't see what I do to fill up my day. Nothing productive anyway.

Theme: Diet I'm going back on my body by vi diet. Not yet though I've got to wait forever for the stuff to come. It's the best diet I've gone on and I actually really enjoy it. I've ordered some test cereal packets to try along with there energy drink. I'm looking forward to doing it again.

Theme: Productive I have a few days off now. I never do anything productive on my days off. I've gained so much weight I need to get my ass back into shape.

Theme: Hunger Games I finished the last of the hunger games today. I felt really sad when I turned the last page. It was like watching the last of the hobbit. The whole saga was officially over. It kills you on the inside. Knowing that there's no more to fan girl. It gave me goosebumps. What an amazing read. I can't wait to watch it at the cinema to see the last one. It really did just gave me chills. I never thought I'd be into it, as usually when I read books there true stories, so I was surprised with how fast and how quick I got into it and read through them. I'm glad I picked it up because it really got me into reading again. I'm sad that it's over though. I really got attached to all the characters and the story line. I felt every laugh and every tear. It was just damn right brutal. Out of all the book's I've read this is one of my favourites hand's down.

Theme: Driving Test We all know this is going to be me when I have my driving test:

Theme: Psychology Appointment My appointment went a bit weird. When I was talking about my issues I felt very bland about the situation. Like I wasn't even talking about me. Like I wasn't even talking at all. The psychiatrist think's I have a binge eating disorder though. I rang Sarah after my appointment and told her, hoping she would say 'utter bullshit'. Her reaction? "Well I could have told you that." Fuck. I don't believe I have one. I think I'm just fat and greedy and lack control. I wish I had taken my teddy bear to therapy. He's helped me through so much. But if I take him, what will the psychiatrist read into it? What if she end's up thinking I have some sort of fucked up mummy issues?

Theme: Therapy I have therapy tomorrow. I'm nervous, but in some way's I don't really know how to feel about it, and what's worse I have no idea on what to expect. I've been waiting for this moment for such a long time and now it's here I feel a bit weird about the whole thing. Anyway, wish me luck.

Theme: Driving Test I plan to do my driving test early next year as I will then be two years fit free, so I am now studying the highway code and what have you. Before I even studied any of it, I did a mock theory test. I got 39/50. Which isn't too bad to be fair seeing as I am not a driver and know fuck all about driving. I'm  hoping to go to a  carpark with my dad to have a go of his car.

Theme: Work Work has been so hectic today. We have been so short staffed. It's been 3 staff members running a 5 staff member unit. We kept ringing the oncall management but they wouldn't pick up. So much for on call. Everything that could have gone wrong, went wrong. A patient needed to go hospital, and one patient we thought he died in his room as we couldn't get access to him as he locked himself in with his key still in the door. I've looked forward to the shift ending. 

Theme: Quiet Good shift tonight. Really easy and quiet. Got to watch some movies and just chill. Can't complain really.

Theme: Sun Not really done anything noteable today. I just laid out in the sun for a few hours to top up on my tan. It's weird being night staff and then going out for sun when you havent done it for a while. You do your best to soak it up like a sponge.

Theme: Abby Park I went up to abby park with my mum and nephew today for a picnic. I got a sun tan and we all had a really good time. The weather has been beautiful and I've really missed the summer. I miss being outside in fresh air. We're all shattered now though as we've all been walking around for hours. I could sleep for England.

Theme: Sun It's so sunny today, I'm hoping to go abby park with my mum and nephew tomorrow for something different to do. We're planning on going on a picnic and just chilling. Cross fingers for sun.

Theme: Snake Eye I plan to get the snake eye tongue piercing. As it's a piercing my mum won't know about I'm hoping it doesn't swell a lot so I can talk normally. Eeep. I'm actually kind of nervous having one going through my tongue. Although I have my smiley, frowny and tongue web done, it's something about having one go through the tongue itself. With how thick the tongue is. 

Theme: New Rota My work rota is a little weird this month. I am working Monday, Saturday Sunday. Usuaully I do them all together. I have to admit, it is nice to have a break then it doesnt feel so hard to do.