Ramblings Of A Rambler

Theme:  Discharge My favourite patient is being discharged. I won't even get to say goodbye. I've never been able to say goodbye and it isn't very nice. You've worked closely with them for all these months and they just go. It's sad. I'll miss her. There's no other young patients left so no one to keep me on my toes or get my humour. I'll miss her but I'm glad she's going. I hope she can take full advantage of what life can bring and I truly wish the best of luck to her.

Theme:  New Courses That website that I have been doing all this stupid training on, well I found some other courses that they offer so I've been working through them too. All the ones I find interesting like sexual health, child abuse, domestic violence ect. I want to build up my CV and it's so much easier to do the bloody training when I'm  actually  interested in something.

Theme: *Jizzs* Tonight has been a bit of a horrific night at work. There's been no incidents, it's just that I'm the only permanent member of staff on tonight. Even the nurse is agency. None of them have been here for a long time. Expect for one....who has NEVER been here. So I've had to babysit them all. I'm so tired. I've been falling in and out of sleep on observations. As I haven't had a break. I've even had a few fags just to help. However before the permeant nurse from the day shift went home I went into the air lock with her to let her out. We had a little chat. A very good little chat. Basically the bitch Beth that was meant to be coming back can't. And my manager who I equally despise is going to resign. She shown me all the texts. Great fucking success.

Theme: Fuck I forgot to write up an incident form from the previous shift so it's kept me awake and worrying. I got into work and slyly asked around it. Turns out I didn't need to write one and now I'm just knackered for my shift. Joy.

Theme: It's Done! All the Christmas decorations are all up and looking cute and glittery. I love Christmas. I'm so excited. I love our home, it's so homely and warm. I never want to leave.

Theme: One Month! One month away till christmas. I'm so excited oh my god. Even though I know all my presents from excessive snooping, but I'm still so excited.

Theme:  Lengthy As Fuck I've been asked to do some training at work online. That's fine. If only it wasn't lengthy as fuck. I do not learn by big chunks of irrelevant text copied and pasted onto a slide. I didn't even read any of the slides after I found out what kind of this it was I had to do. I just skipped the lot of it and went to the exam questions straight away. Although, skipping the slide's alone took me over eight hours. The exams, I did when I was at work and got the nurse to help me out. The questions are just also so irrelevant to what the course is. I don't even know who made these exams. The exams are hard, but just because like. I don't care. if I cared or enjoyed it then yeah, I'd whizz through, but because all I'm doing is pressing the next button and preying that it's over quick it feels like forever.

Theme:  Fuck Sake, Leave Already This one is kind of hard to explain. But basically, a nurse that I cannot stand, who is a bully and would have mentioned in previous blog's put a patient at risk and now  shouldn't  come back. Because of her actions, our manager who is also a total cunt put in her resignation. Oh yeah. However, the other management team where begging her not to as the "place would fall apart without her". Neh, the place would fall in right working order if she wasn't there. Fuck sake, why doesn't she just leave? She's a nasty women. I don't understand how she can get away with so much.

Theme:  HCA For A Day I have no idea what my work place is playing at. But instead of paying out extra for agency, they are letting the maintenance man be a HCA for the day to cover the shift. It just feel's so damn wrong. It is wrong, and unsafe. It  shocking on how they are getting away with so damn much. What makes them think that, that is acceptable? Just call the damn agency or for once in your damn lives "on-call" cover the damn shifts.

Theme: Eating Shit I'm going to be eating everything and anything possible for the next two days as my real diet starts on Monday. Tomorrow we will be having a christmas dinner at home with all the decorations as I obviously won't be having one this year. I'm having a take away tonight and just generally cramming myself as much as I can hold. Last proper meal now for about a year?

Theme: Nothing Not doing much today. Just sitting around playing xbox. The usual.

Theme:  Work Wanker I work with this douchebag at work. I mean he's a massive douchebag. Universally hated. He's the biggest snake, biggest snitch and just biggest douche I've ever met. He will snitch on you despite the fact he hasn't even see you do anything or hasn't ever worked with you. I won't give him a name. Let's just call him 'snake.' He keeps asking me if I've gone part time. I'm 22. Why would I go part-time unless I have kids? There's more chance of him giving birth then me. Anyway, when he asked me this time, he said it with a smirk on his face. I don't know what he's implying. Just because I have a life and not part of work's furniture. Rant over, back to my xbox.

Theme: New Job I'm thinking about what I would like to do for a new job. I've always wanted to work in mental health, so I wouldn't leave my current settling unless it was something I wanted to do. I would really like to work in a call centre for 999. Someone at our place has just got a job as a 111 call taker, but I'd hate that. having to repeat the same questions all day everyday for every damn phone call. Fuck that.

Theme: Vlog I'm going to start doing a vlog about my surgery journey as I start my pre-op diet tomorrow. Link is here.

Theme: Whoops I realised that I told my surgeon that I don't actually self-harm. Of course I was going to lie to him. Now I've got a letter that I need to give to my doctor that states I don't self harm lol. But, I've got an appointment booked with my local doctor anyway and will explain it too him. As it's been months since I've self harmed. I self harmed the other day but not like that. I had a horrendous spot on my thigh and it looked like it was full of puss. I tried to pop it but it didn't work so I thought if i made a tiny cut over the top of it, the puss would come out that way. Instead it didn't. It just bled. Anyway, it's been a long time since I self harmed (without help from the NHS - as I'm still having assessments). This year has been a crap year, but next year will be the shit.

Theme: Better I'm finally feeling better from what felt like ebola. So I went to work. It was a hectic night. One of the patient's cut themselves. I have literally never seen so much blood. It was everywhere. Sprayed all up the walls and a massive puddle of it. Nice. She cut through a vein.

Theme: Call In Sick I had to call in sick for work today. I am literally dying. I'm vomiting phlegm because I'm coughing so much. It's painful and I feel so miserable. I've had so many different medications past few days I feel more dosed up then my patients. I couldn't manage work being this unwell.

Theme: Christmas I'm so excited for christmas. Got nearly everything sorted. I love christmas. I just need to see the coke advert now.

Theme: Fuck The bar that I had lost yesterday, I lost again today. I have nothing else to hold it open with other then a navel bar. Need's a must. It's sore and painful. Not to mention massive. Fuck my life. I'll be going back soon to get my remaining dermal removed so hopefully they can fix me up.

Theme: Re-pierce As you know, I had my dermals removed yesterday. Well, when I left the shop I noticed a bar through my ear was missing. So I went back for them to just pop another one in. It had closed up. It had been missing for a while. Instead of paying for the whole procedure of having it re-pierced I just told them to force new jewellery through. It hurt, but worth it. It's back in and sparkling. But ouch.

Theme:  Dermal Removal I have to have my dermal removed for surgery so I'm doing that today. I'm sad to see them go, but if I look after the scars I can have them re-pierced. Damn right I'm having them re-pierced even if I have to do it myself. Bye bye babies.

Theme:  Dildos! I ended up buying some more today. Pay day was better then I expected so I thought I'd treat myself. My collection is becoming really big. My bad. I can't even remember what I ordered.

Theme: Same Same as yesterday really. Just doing a massive catch-up. It's just a normal Sunday, not working. So I know what I was doing. I got up, ate and slept on the sofa until I went bed. Sunday's are not meant to be eventful.

Theme:  Blog Who knows what occurred today. I just can't have a day not filled out. Something has to be written. I've been doing this blog to long now to just...give up. Even though no one read's it. It's just still a little something for me. I enjoy doing it, and I refuse to except there's going to be a day where I just stop.

Theme:  Still Working Just as usual day at the office. Although I don't work at an office. So Just a usual day at the psych ward. However 'usual' that can be.

Theme: Spastic Group I have the day for my spastic group. Also known as group therapy. Fucking hell. It will be like going to work. I know it. I hope they don't feed me the same bullshit I feed my patients.

Theme: The Date I got my surgery date. My actual date for my gastric sleeve. Oh my god I'm so excited. This is going to be so life changing. I can't imagine myself thin and healthy. It just seem's like such a long shot. It's like I'm starting my life again. ♥ 13th December, bitches.

Theme: Ill Definitely ill. I've drank like half a pint of Benylin already. I hate having a cold, it's so lengthy and nothing makes me happy.

Theme: Oh Fuck I can feel the disease from work forming. Manic coughing, sore throat and headache. Fuck a duck.