Ramblings Of A Rambler

Theme : Two Nurses Two nurses were on tonights shift so the shift was easy. I got four hours sleep (shh). Only one incident (ligature) but everyone fucked off to bed pretty early.

Theme: Skiver Called in sick. I’m not sick, I am just not emotionally “there” to go in tonight so I called in. I’m okay, don’t get me wrong. All the bullshit is just getting to me to the point that I’m sick of my job and I feel like a glorified baby sitter, so I just thought, fuck it and fuck them so called in sick with a “migraine”. Ha.

Theme: Boyfriend Probably went to see the other half today and watched Buffy with snuggles. 

Theme: Recover I am just recovering from my night shift. So just sleeping a lot and binge watching random crap on TV.  There will never be anything interesting to say the morning of my night shift because I just sleep and eat.

Theme: Nothing Nothing new at work. Same old shit. At least this is my last shift so this shift should fly by really. No incident’s have happened in a while, so cross fingers I should get a sneaky chance to sleep.

Theme: Working Can’t be bothered. Never can be. 

Theme: Tired I hate the first night shift, I always find it the most tiering, but after tonight I always pick up. 

Theme: Meh I hate the day before work. It doesn’t really feel like a day off. Does anyone else get that? For me, I just spend the day preparing for work and knowing that I’ve actually got to do something tomorrow sort of unsettles the settled and chilled out mood I’m in.

Theme: Backdating I have so much backdating to do. Since I have met Rich my blogging seem’s to becoming less and less, but these are the days that I should be blogging, that I should be creating a memory on. When I get all old and my memories go, these are the thing’s I want to read back on.

Theme: Richie This is a backdate, but as it’s Tuesday I probably went to see Richie today. So yay.

Theme: Period Pain? I seem to be having period pain’s, without any actual periods (this is due to my coil). I’m just terrified my period pains are going to come back in like full blow the way it used to be.

Theme: Sundays I’m learning to love Sunday’s more now and I find them less triggering. Even when I’m on my own I’ve learnt to distract myself more and more. I haven’t cut for a while, but my leg is still a mess. But I’m getting there.

Theme: Dafuq? I have no idea what happened today. Who knows?! 

Theme: Last Day! Last day at work and I have a few days off. Thank goodness. I just don’t get paid enough for this utter bullshit.

Theme: Backdating I have so much catching up to do. So much has changed, and in such a positive way. I need to sit down and get shit done on my day off.

Theme:  Work Just working. Quiet night. Nothing to do. Other then smoke and gossip. Can't complain really.

Theme: Birmingham Went to Birmingham today with Rich. Had a lovely time. I love spending time with him, he makes me so incredibly happy. I wish my tooth wasn't being such a pain in the arse though. I got to eat Sushi for the first time since my operation, but fuck me it was painful to try and chomp it. Boo. Anyway, I got a new piercing on a whim (no surprise there). I got the heart daith. It's so damn cute. Yay.

Theme: Emergency! Emergency! I had to get an emergency dentist appointment today because I am in agony with my toothies. My wisdom teeth are coming through but the top left one is really killing me. Anyway, I want to the dentist and I've been prescribed anti-biotics because I'm riddled with infection. Yay. I'm pretty much popping antibiotics like candies because I want to go Birmingham so bad tomorrow.

Theme: Mentally Ill Babysitter. Hi, I’m Sophie. I’m a babysitter for the mentally ill. Although they haven’t really got a mental health illness. There’s just misdiagnosed twats. If ‘Twat’ was a diagnosis I’m sure that’s what they would have.

Theme: Ffs. Same shit different day. What’s the point in being in a rehab if you refuse to take the steps that could help yourself get better? The amount of people that would kill to be in that position, and your just abusing it like a fucking hotel.

Theme: Anxiety. Not really a lot to say to be honest. Back to work after a few days off. I always get anxious when I come back after so long off I guess it’s because I don’t know what I’m walking in on. But as the days go by, I care less and less.

Theme: Shopping I did some shopping with my mum. Now that I’ve lost five stone all my clothes just sort of hang off me so I’ve had to get some new bits, which are so cute and beautiful. I’ve gone from a size 28 to a 22. Woah.

Theme: Backdating Backdating again. It’s like really the 3rd April and I’m just going back through posts. Since I’ve met Rich I’ve really let my blog go downhill. What a shame. I guess it’s because I’m happier and have less thing’s to chronically moan about.

Theme: Backdating Backdating again. It’s like really the 3rd April and I’m just going back through posts. Since I’ve met Rich I’ve really let my blog go downhill. What a shame. I guess it’s because I’m happier and have less thing’s to chronically moan about.

Theme: Psychiatrist I have a psychiatrist appointment this month. I’ve been putting it off as much as humanly possible. I have little patients with them people. I have no idea why I go to see them, and I’m sure they have no idea either.

Theme: Lazy Day off. Not really moving much. I don’t intend to either.

Theme: Backdating Who knows what occurred. I didn’t go work. So I can’t expect nothing much did happen.

Theme: Fear There’s something really bugging me about Richie. But it’s not Richie. It’s me. I’m trying to put it down to my long list of mental illnesses but when your head is thinking it, you believe it to be the whole truth and that everyone is lying to you. I adore Richie. I’ve fallen really quickly. There’s so many thing’s he makes me feel, and for once, it’s all positive. I’m scared he’s going to abandon me. I’m just going to wake up one day and he just doesn’t want me anymore. I’m scared he doesn’t feel the same way. What if I’m falling to hard and he can’t stand the disgusting sight of me? I don’t think I could survive another abandonment y’know. I’m annoying him. All my insecurities. I’m suffocating him. I want to self harm. I need to punish myself for doing this to him. 

Theme: Birthday Happy birthday to me! Had a really good day. So I’ll start from beginning. i woke up at 4am (I know, stupid right?!) and watched TV and trolled youtube for a bit. At 7am My mum woke me up and gave my my presents (disney pandora charms & disney figurines). We went into town, I got my nails done, went to the range to get some arts and crafts gear, came home and the family came round. I’m shattered now. I also got to eat chocolate for the first time today. My mum hid three malteasers in a pandora box.

Theme: Richie Went to see Richard today. Had a really lovely day as usual. I love being in his arms. He makes me feel so safe, and happy. Sometime’s my head get’s paranoid but I do my best to shut it up. I’m going to stay round his house on Monday. I’m so excited. He gave me my birthday presents: the crow & hell-raiser comics, drawings, hell-raiser dvd (as my first one broke and tsums. I feel like his spoilt princess.

Theme: Excited I’m seeing Richie tomorrow. I have butterflies and I can’t sleep. Excitement is a pain in the arse.

Theme: Tired Just recovering from my night shift. The day after is usually really crap. I can’t be bothered. I just want to crawl into my comfy as bed and sleep. I hate knowing that when I climb into bed I’m going to sleep beautifully until like 2am, then I’ll be fucked. Goddamn it.